How to stop being afraid & start being you-nique

I challenge you this month to put the “YOU” into Unique. So many dancers think they have to copy what they see others do, how they dress, how they move. While it is important to witness the trends in fashion and movement, if you ever want to stand out as a Middle Eastern dancer, you need to dare to be authentic.

“Authentic” is defined in the dictionary as “genuine, real, not false or copied”.  Authenticity comes from living the motto “what you see is what you get”. It allows you to develop into a unique artist and a valuable individual. It might not always be easy, but it is definitely rewarding. From how you move on the stage to how you carry yourself behind the scenes, authenticity transforms you and empowers you. It is a series of conscious choices where you take charge of the direction in which you are headed.

Take a moment to think about how you see yourself right now and notice if there is anything you wish to improve or change:

1. Do you trust your gut?  Who better than a belly dancer to connect with her ‘gut’? What we call ‘gut instincts’ are the feelings that rise from inside which resonate with your true self and compel you toward or away from something. What drew you to belly dance in the first place? Why belly dance and not something else? What was the first thing you did to try belly dancing classes? It all started with an instinct followed by an action step. Whether conscious or not, this combination repeated as you moved forward on your dance journey until you arrived at the point where you are now. Next, consider where you are going with your dance. Deep down inside your gut, whether or not you admit it to anyone else, do you ever dream big? For most of you belly dance is a hobby that is enjoyed in your spare time, but come on, how long do you think that hobby will intrigue you if you don’t let it evolve? Dreaming big is a great thing! Don’t doubt yourself. Be honest. What do you truly want to be when you grow up? After you admit it, you then need to…
2. Think outside the box: The moment you chose belly dance you already stepped outside the box. We all know Middle Eastern dance is not mainstream, not like jogging, ballet or yoga. Once you got involved in belly dance, you studied it and tried to emulate the instructors and performers that you admire. After a while, you need to stop copying others. It means stepping outside the box again, something that needs to be done over and over. The farther out of the box you go, the more exciting the experiences will be. You will challenge yourself both physically and mentally. You might go so far as to become an expert at your craft, a revered artist. Look around at the lovely dance enthusiasts that are your peers. If you only do what everyone else does, you will remain lost amongst the masses. If you want to stand out of the crowd, you need to do something that the majority doesn’t do. You must wear your thinking cap and…
3. Set a goal with a date:  Once you know the ultimate, long term goal, getting there will take a series of small steps. Remember the combination of instinct and action? Identify the first step towards that goal and put a date on accomplishing it. Maybe it is an exact day and time or maybe it is more loosely a month and year. An end date will assist your willpower and determination to make that goal without giving up. You will focus your abilities, turn on your creativity and give yourself a direction to make your dreams come true. Once you reach that goal, you should pause, reflect, look inside for what your gut is telling you and then choose another action step. Any step you take can always be altered along the way, but finding the power to use consistent, persistent action is the only way you will ever get there. As you take steps forward, you will find that you will someday have to…
4. Take risks:  The word ‘risk’ can be scary if it is something that is done without forethought. I’m not advocating rash decisions and throwing responsibilities to the wind. What I’m suggesting is a calculated risk that will get you ahead and possibly catapult you forward. Explore opportunities that you otherwise might not have considered. You will feel some measure of discomfort and, while that’s not fun, it is a sign that whatever you are considering can bring great returns. Some of the best experiences will come your way, things that will shape your destiny and create highlights in your life. So when you are offered your first dance job at a restaurant, take the risk. Go to that dance conference in another country. Take a trip to the Middle East. Enter that dance competition. Work with live musicians. Accept that teaching job. Facing the discomfort is small price to pay for gaining valuable experience and networking with peers and leaders who can help you. Your confidence will soar and you will be able to face and conquer other forms of discomfort. This especially includes the discomfort created by the…
5. Naysayers:   If you haven’t already encountered someone negative who wants to burst your bubble, you eventually will. The farther you travel on your dance journey, especially if you have set high goals, think outside the box and take risks, the louder and more aggressive the naysayers will become. They ridicule you either directly or behind your back. They make you feel bad and try to undermine your confidence. You can try to argue with them, but it doesn’t really change anything. You try to be nice to them, and they only find you weak. They don’t agree that your dreams are worth the effort. Or perhaps they are jealous of you and can’t bear to see you achieve something that they don’t have the courage to try or the talent to accomplish. No matter how hard it is to ignore them, the best thing you can do is say nothing and move on. You don’t need their approval. Just honor your authenticity, which has nothing to do with anyone else’s authenticity. Take the high road, even if it appears to be a lonely one. In the end you will be happy that you did what is right for you.

Maybe these guidelines seem like lofty ideas, so I will offer you some examples from my own personal journey that prove that they work.

• Trust your gut: My gut always felt that I had something special to offer oriental dance. I began dancing at 3 years old and by the time I was 16 I learned that ballet was not going to provide a career for me, mostly because I had the wrong body type (too curvy). So I explored other dance forms. When I tried oriental dance, I knew right away that this is where I belonged. This same gut instinct told me when to attempt my first night club gig, when to accept my first teaching position, when to travel to Egypt, and when to latch onto a great mentor, Ibrahim Farrah.
• Thinking outside the box and setting goals with dates: I stepped into oriental dance knowing that my family would not approve. Oh sure, they were amused but they didn’t believe dance could ever be a serious career. I studied and performed part-time for quite a while, but deep inside I promised myself that I would become a full-time dancer someday. I set a goal and put a date on it, and guess what? I met that goal exactly. It was 1991, feels like yesterday! Lol
• Taking risks: It was a scary when I was offered a job to teach for six months in an oriental dance school in Vienna, Austria, in 1993. I left the security of my home to live in a different country where I had never been before, did not speak the language, and did not know how different it is to live in Europe. It turned out to be one of the best decisions I ever made. There were performance and teaching experiences that I would never have acquired if I had stayed in the U.S.
• Naysayers:  My parents were my initial naysayers, but once they saw my success as a dancer, they became my biggest supporters. Other naysayers included Middle Eastern people who claim that only people born in the Middle East can ever perform oriental dance with the right ‘feeling’. What fun it was to see them impressed when I was invited to perform in a theater tour along side Nagua Fouad of Egypt. Other naysayers included a variety of ambitious students who studied with me for years only to eventually part ways, some quite notoriously aggressive, some passively aggressive. Can’t say I have heard much about their dance career afterwards. Instead, I focused on my goals and stayed out of the way of anyone who tried to derail me. You must to believe in yourself and be committed to your dreams!

You are the sum of all of your experiences. Make your journey exciting. Promise to value your unique self. Dance through your life in such a way that when you look back on your journey, you will feel no regrets. Strive to be fearlessly authentic!