Why you need a Tough-Love Teacher

Have you ever taken a belly dance class with an instructor who’s really tough? I mean, the kind of teacher who takes belly dance seriously, has high standards, and kicks your butt? Did you rise to the challenge or walk away shaking your head, saying “no way, that class was too hard” or “that teacher was mean”?

It seems these days that the concept of “tough love” is considered “old school” and is commonly avoided more than embraced. Teachers in grammar schools and high schools are told to be ‘politically correct’ and never touch a student in any manner, not even to hug. Their hands are tied when it comes to a student who is out of line and could use a bit of discipline to get back on track. I remember being deathly afraid of my fifth-grade teacher, an old lady with a loud, gruff voice. The fear was so great, I worked extra hard to please her… and you know what? I went from being a mediocre student to being “teacher’s pet” with all A’s.  That tough woman did me a favor in the long run. My confidence soared and I remained a straight-A student all the way through college.

And then there was the ballet master I trained with for many years. The world-famous program was super traditional. As a student, I wore a sky blue leotard to indicate my skill level, pulled my hair up in a bun with no bangs allowed, was silent when the instructor entered the room, could never lean on the barre, and was given only one shot at watching the combination demonstrated before having to repeat it. The stern-faced teacher then walked around the room with a yardstick that occasionally tapped at a limb to straighten the form of the leg. Mental focus and physical endurance was key to success. The outcome was a slow progression towards a beautifully trained classical ballerina.

A tough-love teacher presents a challenge to you. Either the challenge is a physical one where you know you will be expected to work hard, pay attention and practice, or the challenge is a mental one where your own ego can get in the way of you choosing to stay and work with that person. Tough-love teachers direct your progress and keep your evolution in check. They offer positive reinforcement supplemented with a strong discipline. Ask anyone in football, track, ice skating, piano, voice lessons, martial arts, flamenco, gymnastics, or any other kind of movement or artistic coaching. Excellent training works on all levels, including physical, mental, emotional and spiritual.  The tough coach demands a level of respect between all the individuals within the classroom in order for the class to be focused and effective, and also so that the topic is learned and practiced safely and successfully. While growth of individual ability is the primary goal, at the same time, this type of instructor develops your character, which will ultimately affect your entire life.

I was fortunate to study intensely with master artists Ibrahim “Bobby” Farrah and Mahmoud Reda. Both men were creative, energetic, passionate, and quite tough. If they didn’t like what you were doing in their class, they were not afraid to get right in your face and make a blunt suggestion about what to fix, or they might just ask you to leave. There were times when I witnessed an inflated ego get totally knocked down so far that the dancer left the room crying. At times like these, the training also developed your sense of humility. No one ever dared to disrespect the instructor by telling him he was out of line. If you didn’t like the directness of the “old school” style, you just didn’t take class anymore, and in the long run, it was your greatest loss.

When you decide to study with a person who is considered an oriental dance artist or master, then you are in for a wonderful journey full of obstacles and growth. If you don’t want that kind of journey, please find a laid-back class at an informal setting where the goals of the class are more about socializing than serious dance study, and with that, lower your standards of how far you will grow as a performer.
Should you find that rare artist who is also a great teacher, consider yourself blessed, take a deep breath, and trust that the process will condition you to be the best dancer you can be. That coach will offer you the following challenges, and here’s how you need to meet them:

• The challenge of a focused mind:

1. Seek a class that is appropriate for your level and pushes you to grow by having to execute movements correctly, learn how to transition fluidly, and dares you to remember a choreography.
2. Come to class prepared to work. Put your troubles aside and clear your mind so the class can release your stress and tension.
3. Be quiet and pat attention to the instructor. Do not talk, joke or whisper to classmates while class is going on.
4. If you have a question, ask no one except your teacher.
5. Trust your coach’s judgment. If in doubt, defer to their assessment of you and accept their guidance.
6. Come to class prepared, even if it means taking time out the rest of your week to practice.

• The challenge of an athletically conditioned body:

1. Dare to ask your instructor for a list of your strengths and weaknesses. They should be able to clearly explain your weaknesses, not just praise your strengths. You can’t improve unless you know exactly what needs improvement.
2. Be aware of your dance space. Be careful that your movements are controlled so you avoid banging into everyone around you.
3. Make your teacher aware before class begins if you have any physical limitations that day.
4. Try to dance the way the instructor requests. Once you are out of the classroom, you can massage the movement into your own style. Within the classroom, you should trust that the method offered by your teacher is valid and valuable.
5. Remember that physical conditioning takes time. Be patient. You will grow in steps and then plateau before you elevate to the next step. Be consistent and tenacious enough to endure each plateau with giving up.
6. Outside of the classroom, it never hurts to do a few extra sit-ups or planks now and then. Supplemental core conditioning will keep you strong and healthy.

• The challenge of a strong spirit:

1. Group lessons are an opportunity to discipline your ego. Put envy aside and be open to watching others in a non-critical way, particularly if you are split into two groups or if one student is selected as an example to perform the combination. You can learn by watching others. You can also use this time as a chance to visualize yourself doing the combination.
2. If you enter class late, quietly take your position in the back of the room. Respect those who were there on time. Don’t push yourself in front to stand ahead of others. Be sure you apologize to the instructor at the end of the class.
3. If you must leave early, inform your teacher before the class begins.
4. Accept correction as positive criticism. Your coach is not picking on you.  View the correction as an opportunity to grow, even If you struggle with feeling embarrassed for being singled out. You are being corrected because the instructor believes in you!

• The challenge of upholding honor and integrity:

1. Always do the best you can do. A good coach recognizes and rewards effort.
2. Be honest with yourself. Be honest with your instructor.
3. Remember, teachers are human too and can make mistakes or have a bad day. Never openly criticize your instructor. Sarcasm and disrespectful behavior of any kind have no place in the classroom. If you feel you need to act in this manner, you need to leave the class.
4. Pay for your classes responsibly and be aware that you are paying to benefit from the knowledge of your instructor. Ego stroking has nothing to do with your tuition.
5. At the end of the class, no matter what, thank your instructor.

Face these challenges and you will evolve. It is an empowering journey! It is up to you to choose your mentor carefully. Just because someone markets themselves as the best, doesn’t mean they always are. Look for a coach that has many years of first-hand, professional experience. It’s best to check their credentials to see that they have also studied with a good coach and, therefore, will provide you with a lineage of artistic training.
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After four decades of teaching belly dance, it’s always been a wonder to me why Middle Eastern dance still struggles with recognition as an art form. I believe that if we are ever to gain that recognition, we need more great dance coaches and dancers who know the value of tough love!