QUESTION:
Dear Jasmin,
I have been dancing for three years and performing in local restaurants for the past year. Recently, I performed in a new Turkish restaurant and when I was collecting tips from the customers, I unfortunately encountered my first bad experience. One of the men grabbed the front center part of my belt, his fingers digging in far too deep, and yanked me over to him so that he could stuff in a grimey dollar bill! I felt humiliated. Fortunately, my set was nearly done. Boy, was I glad to get out of there! I tried to talk to the owner about it, only to learn that the tipper was his cousin. That shut down any further discussion about it. Any advice on how to handle such a difficult situation?
Signed, Ba'sheesha, Illinois
ADVICE:
Dear Ba'sheesha,
As a belly dancer, we take risks with audience members who perhaps view our dance form in a different way than we do. While you were performing in a family-style entertainment venue, this gentleman overstepped his boundaries and assumed that it was OK to man-handle the belly dancer. Unfortunately, his was a common mistake, assuming that he could purchase the right to touch you and that one single dollar bill was a good enough reason for you to agree. Here's some suggestions on how to handle this situation when it arises in the future.
First of all, when you accept a performance job of any kind, make sure you discuss the possibility of tips. Sometimes there are restaurant owners who want dancers to work only for their tips. Others would rather negotiate a flat fee with the tips as your extra bonus. Perhaps the tips are the property of the management or split with the band. Whatever the terms, find out before you agree to anything. I believe the best thing to do is negotiate for a performance fee that is already reasonable and does not assume tips. That way, you are guaranteed your price. Tips are always a variable anyway. And if there are obnoxious tippers in the audience, remember you DO have the right not to accept any tips at all.
Of course, it is to your advantage to accept tips, and why not? Perhaps the next time your work in this establishment you bring along a basket, which is passed around near the end of your routine, so that patrons can tip you without touching you. If the tips are usually sprinkled over you in Arabic fashion, please don't ever bend over and pick them up from the floor. Make sure you have a pre-arrangement with the owner about how you will acquire your share of those tips. If the tips are tucked into your costume, the best piece of advice I can give you is to never stop moving! Then, when someone is being too aggressive, you can make it hard for him to get too close by using your biggest hip drops, your fastest shimmies and a turn or two!
Good Luck! Jasmin
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©2003 Jasmin Jahal